Hello to anyone reading my erratic little blog.  For those of you who celebrate Christmas, I hope you had a lovely day however it was spent.  I think for many of us, the aim is to enjoy some time with our loved ones. 

I worked Christmas Day and Boxing Day this year which was a first for me. I’m now living 1350 km’s away from my family so it was the first time ever I have been away from family.  I exchanged text messages with them all before I headed off to work, not quite the same as phone calls but given we were all getting ready to be somewhere else, it worked for the meantime.

My sons all got together at home for breakfast with their wives, girlfriends and children.  One of my sons managed to get everyone together and take a photo of them all which they then emailed to my work.  It absolutely made my day!!  The seemingly little things can have such a big heartfelt impact.

Work was rather quiet as it turned out, so I managed to have a productive planning day before heading home to enjoy a brief rest then going to a friend’s place for dinner.  Their home was warm and welcoming, with Christmas decorations about, their dog was extremely excited to see me and with some festive food for dinner, it felt a little more like Christmas for me.  She and I later sat in the pool, which was more like a big warm bath, for an hour or so and chatted about anything and everything. 

I came home and was able to speak with one of my sons by phone and another friend called to wish me Merry Christmas, so it rounded out my day nicely.  Even though I physically wasn’t able to be with my loved ones, it still felt like I’d enjoyed their presence during the day.

I felt very blessed as I have two friends who find this time of year difficult due to each losing a child just before Christmas in recent years.  This year in Australia, we also saw a rather horrific lead up to Christmas with a siege in Sydney where two people lost their lives and later the same week, 8 children were murdered by a woman who was mother to 7 and aunt to the 8^th. 

My workplace was very affected by this as one of the children was the niece of a colleague.  Then I had word this morning (Boxing Day here) that another colleague lost her partner to cancer in the very early hours.  It reminds me of how much I have to be truly grateful for and how important it is to appreciate every day.

Of course not all days are going to be good days, but I believe each day we wake up breathing is a new day, a blessing in itself and we have a whole 24 hours in which to find something that makes us smile and feel a sense of gratitude and happiness.  Even if things are not going so well, it may be something simple that we can appreciate. 

I generally tend to be a more positive type of person but there was a time when I didn’t always feel this way.  I eventually came to realise that my happiness was my own responsibility and a choice that I could make every day.  I choose to be happy and have a positive outlook on life. 

I know there is tough stuff, I’ve experienced it and no, it’s certainly not fun.  But when I spend time stuck in that or dwell on it for long periods of time, then I don’t feel good and it can sometimes be hard to move those feelings.

I was recently in New Zealand.  I travelled over alone and had a day or two where I would have loved some company, so was feeling a little flat.  I called my Mum to see how she was going.  My Mum is in the early-mid stages of dementia and is in a nursing home.  During a lucid moment, Mum was asking me about what I’d seen.  She knows how much I love NZ and then she said, next time you go over, can you please take me with you and show me all your favourite places.

This makes my eyes well up even to type it now.  I would so love to be able to do this but both Mum and I know it’s not going to happen as she is not well enough to manage such a trip.  Mum has wanted to go to NZ and England for as long as I can remember, yet here she is in the sunset years of her life with regrets for the things she didn’t find a way to do. 

I have had an awareness for some time now that I need to follow my dreams, do the things I want to do and not be put off because I’m a middle aged single woman, because life is way too short.  This conversation with Mum really struck a chord with me.  I could hear the grief and regret in her voice and I don’t want to get to the end of my life with those types of regrets.  It has made me all the more determined to actively work towards doing the things I want to do and seeing the places I want to see.  To find a way to make them happen.

So that is my little piece of wisdom for what it’s worth today.  Life is not a dress rehearsal, we only get one shot at it, so enjoy it as much as you can.  Soak up all the experiences, the good and the not so good, learn from them, grow from them, make new memories with those you care about, see the things you want to see and experience the things you want to experience. 

And in among all that, I wish you much happiness and joy!

Well I thought I would try and get one more post in for the year!  Hehe.. hmm what can I say? The regular part of blogging hasn't been quite so regular this year.  Perhaps I can use an observation I shared with my work team on a number of occasions in relation to constant changes in our work space and govt policy.... the consistency is there is no consistency (kind of fits for me and blogging this year huh!), things are always changing and we have to adapt with them. Basically hang on for the ride or get left behind. So while I'm on the topic of change, there has been plenty happening in my life since last I wrote.  

Work - big BIG changes!  I came north to Townsville to do a 6 week secondment in a completely new program area.  I'd put in an expression of interest because there was a little uncertainty around a tender outcome for the program I was working in and I thought experience in a different area may be a good thing, should I need to be seeking work elsewhere later down the track.

Long story short, I ended up applying for the permanent role up here after the tender outcome arrived (not a positive outcome) and was successful.  This meant moving 1350 km's north and only having a weekend to find a place to live.  I was lucky enough to find a little granny flat with a wonderful landlady straight away.  I'm still in the process of sorting/packing/moving/winding things up in Brisbane but have until mid April to complete that which has been good.

The new job is essentially a promotion and a totally new program area to learn. It's been a challenging but rewarding space to work in and I will have my work cut out for me for a little while to come. I feel very blessed to have found a role that created a fairly smooth transition for me.

New town - I'm starting to feel a little more settled here and am enjoying the exploring part of being in a new place.  The weather has been quite warm as we head into summer, so that has slowed down the exploring a little, but expect it to ramp up once the cooler weather returns.

Social life - I have a social life!!!  I have enjoyed a couple of trips to the theatre with a friend and her husband who live up here.  Both fun nights out and a nice way to begin in a new town.  My landlady has also taken me along to a quaint little family run cinema which I've since attended again.  It's a great place and far nicer than the bigger cinema's.  I've also just joined a book club that my friend is involved with so will be going along to that in the new year.

Dating - Can you believe it?  I've even done a little dating since I've been up here!  I was set up on a blind date with a young friend's father.  Our first date was to dinner and a Black Sorrows concert.  Since then we've spent a little time together and he's taken me to explore some of the area north of here.  Lovely man and a nice friendship has grown there.

Friends - As I mentioned above, I have a friend here who I worked with in a volunteer organisation for a number of years.  I've been out to dinner with them and to the theatre a couple of times.  I also have a friend living up here that I went to school with interstate.  I hadn't seen her for over 20 yrs and we caught up a couple of months ago.  We haven't yet managed to catch up again, but the plan is there to do so.  I had another friend come visit me from the Calliope area and while he was here, we went across and explored Magnetic Island.  So it's all happening!

Family - I miss them dearly and can't wait to see them again late January. Thank goodness for phone calls, text messages and emails!  Not to mention being able to send photo's by text.  Youngest son is still healing from the accident I'd mentioned in previous posts and is having to look at a career change.  He loved his time in the snow and is hoping to go back for more next year.  

My brother was married for the first time on his 50th birthday and given I now live much closer up here in the tropics, I was able to attend.  I also had the opportunity to catch up with my friend.. the one who was busy trying to set me up with her Dad at the time. I was able to see my Dad and one of my cousins at the wedding which was a lovely small garden affair.  Sadly, Mum's mind is deteriorating a little more but I'm looking forward to seeing her again in January when I go down.

Writing - one thing about moving and wanting to keep in touch with loved ones. It's reminded me of a favourite past time I used to have.. writing letters!!  So I've been doing a little of that since coming up here and am thoroughly enjoying it.  Also have a few ideas floating for other writing projects but need to put those ideas down on paper and get moving on them.

Holidays - I already had plans for annual leave before moving up here and wasn't sure that I'd be able to actually go away anywhere given the unexpected move.  However, it all fell neatly into place and I was able to enjoy a week back in the south island of NZ.  Sadly, I had to cancel the retreat I'd planned to run in NZ for reasons beyond my control.  It was lovely to still be able to go over there though and do a little exploring of area's I hadn't previously seen, along with re-visiting some of my favourite places.  I hope to spend some time living over there in a few years, so will no doubt have a few trips over between now and then.

And I think that's about it for the quick catch up version!  The pic I've added today was taken at Wivenhoe Dam when I took my Brisbane team out on a team building afternoon, not too long before I came up to Townsville. Such a lovely restful place.

Hello again!  

I've been missing in action for a little while and yep, there's definitely been some action in these parts.  

i thought I might make this post a follow up one about my son who is currently down working the ski season in NSW.  

He amazes me that young man and his determination blows me away.  As I mentioned previously, he went down while still in plaster.  The start of the ski season ended up being delayed for 2 weeks and his new employers had agreed to a later start date for him.  

When he told his Work Cover person that he was bored, they negotiated with his new employer to put him on light duties that he could do until he had a full clearance.  My son was delighted with this!  

The weekend before he was due out of plaster, they had a blizzard and he and his girlfriend went out to capture some footage of the snow.  During his exploring of the snow, he managed to get his plaster wet so ended up cutting it off that night.  

He saw his specialist the next day and started physio the same week. Between physio and the gym, where he is working with a former olympic skier (who operates the gym), his foot is improving slowly but surely. 

He has also learnt how to snowboard (I know, I was a bit alarmed about that too when it was so soon after) and has taken to it like a duck to water.  He loves it!  And has been sending a steady stream of beautiful snow pics from on top of Mt Kosiousko. 

He's enjoying it so much, he's applied for a job to work the ski season in Japan and thinks he might like to work a few ski seasons in various places.  I think it's safe to say he has the travel bug!  

Well that's it from me today.  I will aim to be back sooner rather than later! Have a great week :)

Well hello!  How's things in your neck of the woods?  Is everything honky dory or are there a few speed bumps you are currently navigating around?  The speed bumps in life can make it interesting and sometimes frustrating.  

I remember when I lived in Central Queensland, some of the roads up there are very long straight roads and we used to joke that they had the odd curve in the road here and there to keep you awake.  I think speed bumps in life can be a little like that too.  Sometimes there to make us sit up and pay attention for whatever reason.  

My youngest son has been a fine example to me of determination and not letting things like life's speed bumps get in the way of his plans.  He has had a few accidents in the last couple of years, 3 of them involving significant injuries, one of which needed surgery twice.  In between those accidents, there was another one where he was unhurt but the vehicle he was driving was a write off.  

He is one very fortunate young man.  Despite his injuries, he has not been willing to take on board the word 'no' or the words 'it is unlikely you will be able to do ...... again'.  He was worked very hard with his recoveries to get his body back in the best condition it can be.  

He spends a lot of time in the gym and has managed to recover far better than expected from two of the accidents.  If he misses a couple of days, then he feels the effects very quickly, so he is aware that he needs to keep up the work in the gym in order to stay moving.

The 3rd accident causing injury was only a few weeks ago.  This time he is in plaster with a shattered heel.  He was due to start work next week down at Thredbo for the ski season, however, he has a few more weeks in plaster yet and we're unsure how soon he'll be able to walk or weight bear on that heel.

One may have expected that would have stopped him from going down to Thredbo.  But no.  There was no way he wasn't going to go.  So over the weekend, he and his girl packed up their gear and yesterday drove from Brisbane to Sydney and today went to their little unit they will be living in for the next few months.

He called his new employer last week to let them know of his accident and he was very happy when they decided to hold his job open for him until he has a clearance to work.  His plan had been to look for other work if he needed to but he was determined to not miss this opportunity when he'd already done so much planning for it.

For me at the moment, this has been a good reminder to not lose sight of my dreams.  To not let the busyness of my working life, the speed bumps or curves in the road and the self doubts I have about what I want to do outside of that (retreats etc) get in the way of me achieving my dreams.  

I guess this follows on a little from the procrastinating post in a way.  I remember a tutor once giving me a little picture of a celtic looking circle with the word Tuit at the top.  It was a reminder to keep working on our dreams, rather than waiting for the day when we get around 'tuit' or to it.  

Although as I mentioned in my previous post, one thing I have got around to doing was taking an Italian class.  I've now had two classes and am thoroughly enjoying them!  I'm so glad I made that impulsive last minute decision to join the class.

Today's pic is of my son's cast.  As a reminder that we can still follow our dreams if we find a way to navigate the obstacles.

I thought I'd talk about procrastination today.  Is this something you are familiar with? Is it something you find yourself doing? I have to admit to being a world class procrastinator.  I could have written the book on procrastination, but if I'd had the chance, I'd have probably procrastinated for too long to do so.

Mind you, I don't procrastinate with all things, but definitely some things. And the really frustrating thing is that often the things I am procrastinating about, are the things I really want to do or achieve, things that are sometimes very important to me.  

And yet, I procrastinate.  Sometimes for no good reason and other times there are valid reasons for me not getting moving with whatever it is I have in mind, but those valid reasons can also be mixed with a pinch of procrastination as well.

I have a few things that I've been procrastinating on and they are driving me nuts.  I know I'm my own worst enemy with this, but I'm reminded of a friend saying (actually she wrote a book about it), nothing changes if nothing changes.

For some of the things I'm procrastinating on, this saying fits perfectly!! Actually, it could probably fit anything to do with procrastinating when you stop and think about it.

Ok.. so the things I've been procrastinating on?  The biggies.  Changing my lifestyle in order to become healthier.  I've talked about it, I've started it, I've stopped doing what I was doing, I've started again, but I've not been consistent.  

Some of this has been due in part to other factors, such as being ill (I've had a couple of nuisance value things that have made me feel very unwell at times and have had fatigue go hand in hand with it), working long hours, and some old trauma coming back to re-visit.

However, realistically, I still could have worked around these things in some shape or form.  Particularly when it comes to moving.  As in exercise.  I know I'm doing baby steps and at times I make a really concerted effort, but I need to be more consistent.

I know walking always makes me feel good and while I am doing some, I'm not setting a consistent or habitual time frame so it's a bit hit and miss.  That said, I'm aiming to do at least a 10-15 minute walk a few times a week and I'm generally achieving that.  But if 10-15 mins is all I'm going to do, then I'd rather be doing that on a daily basis.

I know this also helps immensely when dealing with trauma.  Yet on a day when I'm struggling with that, which tends to be more when I actually stop and then find my thoughts drifting, I find I'm hermiting whereas it would be helpful not only from a health perspective, but also for my peace of mind for me to walk.  I know this from past experience, but sometimes I can't seem to get out of my own way to do it.

The other biggie is my retreat stuff.  Part of this is because I'm often so dang tired when I get home from work, that concentrating for long periods of time is the last thing I want to do.

Yet I could work around this by setting small tasks a couple of nights a week, or put an hour or two aside over the weekend.  Break it down into manageable chunks.  Basically, I'm really needing to get my message out there in a much bigger way very soon!!

And I'm not even going to start on the de-cluttering projects I want to do around here or the painting I'm wanting to do on canvas.  Both things I find therapeutic, yet procrastination comes up once again.

That said, there are things I am doing and I guess they have helped ease the trauma related stuff.  I've been doing a little gardening on the weekends.  I probably spend maybe half to an hour each weekend and have done a little tidying up, planted some seedlings and some potted plants.  

I did a belly cast last weekend even though it was the last thing I felt like doing.  The flip side of that is, I always enjoy it once I start and it's not like it takes a terrible long time.  

I have written a couple of letters which is also something I enjoy doing, so that's been good.  I've also done a little cooking which is also a standby when I'm wanting to switch off.

And although I've said I procrastinate about moving regularly, I have started parking my car a block further down the hill for work, so I'm getting a walking there and there are days when I'm walking at lunch time.  Just a short walk but it's a walk I wasn't doing previously.  My team had a meeting at a coffee shop a little further away and I walked the long way back.

A couple of evenings when I've felt somewhat stressed at the end of the day, I've gone out to the waterfront and walked along the jetty.  Again, not a long walk but a walk just the same.

I need to be more consistent about it all though.  Both the walking and taking more notice of what I put in my mouth.  Rather than just grabbing whatever because I'm too tired to be bothered to cook something when I get home from work at night.  

But in among all of this, I have actually got up and done something I have wanted to do for a long time.  Admittedly it was on impulse but it meant that it happened and I've made a good start.  

I've been wanting to take Italian classes for a few years now and a couple of times have just missed out on a class, yet haven't put my name down for the next one.  

Just over a week ago, I found an email in my inbox saying there were vacancies available in the next round of classes that were starting in 5 days time and would run over 8 weeks.  So just like that, I booked in and paid for it.  Then gulped because it wasn't exactly affordable just then and there, but it was too late, I'd already booked and paid. So last Wednesday night I had my first class and loved it.

Anyways, I fully recognise that I need to become a little more consistent about things and perhaps that means I need to plan a little more.  My weight is still yo-yo-ing and is currently up again.  

I feel very uncomfortable and know that I need to do something about it sooner rather than later.  And please don't think I'm a slim girl whinging.  I'm a long way from slim, not even in the same ball park as slim and to get to slim, will take a lot of hard work, effort and time.  It will not be a thing that happens over a few weeks.  It's also something that I cannot afford to procrastinate over, as it is affecting my health.  

And I guess that's what gives me the irrits the most over this whole procrastination thing.  The fact that it happens with the things that matter the most to me.  That's probably a whole other topic itself to get underneath the how's and why's of it.  

So for now I finish with acknowledging the good things, the walking that I am doing, the fact I've finally enrolled into Italian classes, and the time I'm spending in my garden.  

I use a checklist on the weekends and I'm generally reasonably good at doing the majority of things I put on it.  So I've added an extra one to plan my goals for this week and to make them achievable goals.  I'll check in again around this next week.

Tonight's pic is another taken in NZ.

Hello to any readers lurking out there!

I've had a little quiet time of late, so haven't posted for a couple of weeks. There has been lots happening as always, but I've also had some time dealing with a past trauma that popped up to bite unexpectedly.  

I know full well the importance of trying to deal with trauma when it happens, I work with it and I work with people affected by it, but thought that I was ok and didn't need to do so.  I thought I'd effectively dealt with mine all those years ago when it happened and that the issues were done and dusted. Essentially in many ways they have been, as I've not had any major lingering after effects from the initial incident.

Then about a month or so ago, I found myself in a situation that brought all that stuff screaming back.  Even though the situation was different, there were a few similarities, enough it seems to be somewhat of a trigger and I had a fairly big reaction to it which caught me completely off guard.  I was totally unprepared for it and couldn't believe it was happening.  I thought I was fine and had been fine for a very long time.  The initial incident was something I rarely thought about anymore.  So it was bit of an eye opener to say the least and quite a learning curve to realise I was not immune to these things that sometimes come back to haunt us, even if it's just for a short time.  

It was bit of a roller coaster ride there for a couple of weeks, but I finally did some talking about it and was given help to learn some strategies of dealing with it which I found useful and effective.  The good thing is, I also learned what my trigger point is and I know that the way I reacted was a good thing, I didn't freeze as I'd done in the initial incident and I was able to remove myself from the situation fairly quickly.  For me, it was good to know I can do that, even if it is on auto pilot.

In other goings on, my accident prone son has been at it again!  He fell off a ladder a week ago and fractured his heel.  He is in plaster for another 5 weeks and not overly appreciative as he was to start work for the ski season down at the Snowy Mountains in 3 weeks time.  He assures me he is still going down there and he wants his new employers to know he is serious about the job and will start as soon as he has a clearance.  Hopefully it all works out well for him, as he is a determined soul.

Well that's about it from me for now.  Today's pic is one I took a few weeks back out at Wellington Point.  You might be able to see the balloons in the sky.  There was a bunch of young people out there when I arrived, all holding helium balloons.  I'm guessing it was some type of memorial for a loved one. They were there for a little while before they all released their balloons at the same time.  It was such a beautiful few moments watching the balloons all rise and move across the sky.  

It was a somewhat bittersweet visit with my Mum this trip.  She remains reasonably healthy but her mind is slowly slipping away and the deterioration since I last saw her was a little more noticeable.

That said, she remains quite feisty at times and lives healthily (or not healthily, whichever you prefer) in denial for the best part.  She has an awareness of what is happening for her, still knows who people are, but prefers to think she's just a little forgetful.  

She told me her Dr said her forgetfulness only happened if she was a little over tired, that there was nothing else causing it (she hates that she has dementia, understandably!) and it was from being exhausted when she came into the nursing home.  

She went on about it a little bit and said something about it coming and going, but only when she was tired and when I gently reminded her that dementia is like that, she got a little huffy and changed the subject.  She doesn't believe that she is anywhere near as forgetful as she is.  

However, our conversations go round and round in circles, we have the same conversation many times over, sometimes within a very short space of time - it can be 3-4 times within 5 minutes if it's something short.  

But if it's something more in depth, such as stuff around my father, then that's almost on a repeating loop and we can have a longer conversation which will start all over again just after you think it's finished.

Often when you tell her things she's asked about, or wants to be reminded of, she won't like what you have to say and will deny it, saying that if what we were saying was true, there is no way she would forget something like that. Those moments can be really tough and absolutely heartbreaking.

All that said, there are moments in time when she is sharp as a tack, sometimes it's just for part of a conversation before she forgets details again but it's always nice to see.  

What I really love seeing is her sense of humour when it comes out to play. Mum has had a long term friend who is a little younger than she is and she told me a couple of funny stories involving her friend.  

Mum turned 83 yesterday on Mother's Day and early last week, her friend called earlier last week to ask whether there was anything special Mum would like for her birthday.  Mum said, yes there is actually... do you have a pen and paper handy?  I have a list.

Her friend laughed and said no, she didn't have a pen, so perhaps was there anything she needed instead.  Mum answered, well yes.. seeing as you don't have a pen, I need M O N E Y (and spelt it out) so I can get the things on the list.  Her friend replied, did you say F U N N Y? And they both had bit of a laugh before the call ended.

Late in the week Mum received a small package with a beautiful birthday card and a little gift.  When she opened the gift, it was 3 purse size packets of tissues that all had a money print on them.  One pack was of $100 bills, the others $50 dollar bills and $20 dollar bills - all printed on the tissues.   I think it was her favourite gift!

It also made her recall another prank involving a gift with this same friend some time ago.  Mum's friend had given Mum an awful hand towel for her birthday.  Later in the year, Mum packaged it up and sent it back to her friend for her friend's birthday.  Then unknown to Mum, her friend later gave it to a mutual friend as a birthday gift.  A few months on and they were having morning tea at Mum's sister's place, for her sister's birthday.  The other mutual friend gave Mum's sister a birthday gift and it was none other than the awful towel.  Apparently Mum and her friend absolutely cracked up.  

So I love hearing those funny stories and I love that Mum can still recall some of them.  It makes up for the heartbreaking moments when she is struggling to tell you something because she loses her train of thought mid sentence or struggles to remember who or what she is talking about.  

The other thing I've noticed, is she tries to cover it up and will make up stories or details that never happened if she can't recall the details.  Some of the things she has said are quite delusional, others not so bad but clearly untrue at times.  So I guess it's all about hanging on for the ride really.  

Well that's it for me for now.  I may write more tomorrow about the rest of the trip.  Hmm now what shall I put up for today's pic.  Probably another pic of NZ seeing as it's mostly those ones on this little laptop.  Cherry blossoms in Wanaka.