So another day is done, I'm tired, I have 101 things still to do for this retreat starting Friday... ok, well perhaps not 101 but a few... I completed some training today that has provided me with more ideas for some workshop material, and I sit here procrastinating over writing my blog!  

There is so much going on that I want to put down, kind of a way of capturing all the excitement this year has held so far.  Of where I've been, where I'm going and all the bits in the middle.

Trouble is, I procrastinate or think I'll write it up tomorrow, then I don't do it for whatever reason and by the time I come back to it, I've forgotten half of what I was thinking of writing.  Makes so much more sense to just get in and do it!

But isn't that like anything in life?  From chores or tasks we don't like doing, errands we don't feel like running, weight we are trying to lose yet are struggling to stay on track, the meditation we were doing every day that has now slipped off the radar somewhat, and on and on it goes.  

For me, it comes back to that accountability thing again.  Ugh!  I do so well for a while, then I seem to come to a screeching halt.  Not always for any good reason, but somehow it slips off my radar.  For me, I only have to miss a day and I struggle to get back to it that next day.  If I miss two days, it's harder again and when I miss 3 days, it takes me ages to get back to it.  

I have this crazy thing of leaving deadlines til the last minute.  I will be half or 3/4's organised and those last little bits that I'm quite capable of doing earlier to ensure there is no stress around them, are the things I seem to leave... and then it's the mad crazy rush to complete them.  My to do or check list grows longer and while I usually complete what's on there, I create stress for myself by not addressing some of the things sooner.  

So recently, as in the last few weeks, I've started using my diary more and actually spreading tasks out across different days.  I wouldn't say it's working 100%... well not for the days I have them written on, however, I am finding that I'm achieving most things by the end of the week so I guess in some sense it's working in a reasonably functional way.  

I need to do that with other things too.  Like exercise, even if it's just walking a few times a week.  All well and good to say I'd like to walk 3 times a week and meditate at least every second day, but if I'm not more specific about when or don't create the time for the when, then I don't always get around to it.

And I think a lot of it comes back to that word I used earlier ~ procrastination!  I remember a tutor saying to me once that 'resistance has meaning'.  In other words, what is behind my resistance?  What is really stopping or hindering me?  What is the mind chatter that is going on?  What do I need to encourage me to stay on track?  It's interesting to delve a little deeper into these things.  For me, I often find they are fear based or involve some self doubt.

And while I know there are a handful of huge fears that take up space from time to time, I also know that I've met some of those fears head on... and managed them.  I can't say it was easy or felt good while I was meeting them, but it felt dang good after I achieved them.  

Anyways, just some reflections this evening.  Today's pic was taken from an 'ahh, look what I found!' type moment last Saturday.  Isn't that the cutest bus stop ever on the corner of Lovers Lane?