Good morning!  I have been awake since silly o'clock, not quite what I was wanting to do on a day that will be very long.  It's a quarter after 5 am and still dark here.  

I'm hoping to leave work a little early today and travel down to my home town of Tamworth in NSW to have a weekend visit with my Mum.  The drive usually takes me around 7.5 - 8 hrs depending how frequently I stop along the way, which is in turn dependent on how tired I am.  

Mum is turning 83 on Mother's Day (this Sunday) so is quite excited about my visit.  She was all excited last weekend too and had mixed the times up a little.  She called me around 3 pm last Saturday to see where I was.  

It's an interesting (and somewhat distressing) disease this thing called dementia.  Mum is still in the early - mid stages of it.  She knows who people are, occasionally forgets names but nothing too major.  She has an awareness of her forgetfulness but doesn't believe it's as bad as it can be and does not believe her confusion levels increase so much once she is away from all that is familiar, such as when she has had visits away with family members.  

We find some times of the day are much better for conversations with her than others and her confusion levels are higher when she's tired or feeling unwell. We have the same conversations often, over and over, sometimes in a very short space of time.  There is one particular conversation we've had many many times on an issue that causes her much grief.  Most times we speak, this particular conversation replays.  

It doesn't matter how many times things are explained or have been explained over the past 2.5 yrs, this is one particular thing can't get her head around and I truly believe it is due to the level of grief it involves for her.  She sometimes remembers the past, not quite as it was but as she would have liked it to be.  And other times, her mind is quite sharp even if it is for just the briefest of times.

I know how distressing it is for her, to know your memory is fading and to have an awareness of that.  She's always been terrified of things such as dementia or cancer.  She amazes me how feisty she still is at times.  While she struggles with her memory, you can't put one over her either.  

I love that she still has her sense of humour and lets face it, we need it at times to get through these things.  So this weekend will be full of bittersweet moments in time where I will have the opportunity to take her out of her nursing home (where the staff are wonderful and caring) for a while, laugh, talk, share a meal and hopefully put a smile in her day.

While I'm there, I will be staying with an old school friend.  We met in our first week of high school and later became good friends, never imagining we would still be close so many years later.  It turned out our mothers were friends too and had known each other when they were younger.

My friend was married recently and is blissfully happy.  Unfortunately I missed her wedding so am very much looking forward to spending time with the new Mrs H and getting to know this husband who has made her so happy.

Well that's it from me for now and I'll update once I return.  I hope you have a weekend that holds some wonder and beauty for you to enjoy, even in the little things.