It was a somewhat bittersweet visit with my Mum this trip.  She remains reasonably healthy but her mind is slowly slipping away and the deterioration since I last saw her was a little more noticeable.

That said, she remains quite feisty at times and lives healthily (or not healthily, whichever you prefer) in denial for the best part.  She has an awareness of what is happening for her, still knows who people are, but prefers to think she's just a little forgetful.  

She told me her Dr said her forgetfulness only happened if she was a little over tired, that there was nothing else causing it (she hates that she has dementia, understandably!) and it was from being exhausted when she came into the nursing home.  

She went on about it a little bit and said something about it coming and going, but only when she was tired and when I gently reminded her that dementia is like that, she got a little huffy and changed the subject.  She doesn't believe that she is anywhere near as forgetful as she is.  

However, our conversations go round and round in circles, we have the same conversation many times over, sometimes within a very short space of time - it can be 3-4 times within 5 minutes if it's something short.  

But if it's something more in depth, such as stuff around my father, then that's almost on a repeating loop and we can have a longer conversation which will start all over again just after you think it's finished.

Often when you tell her things she's asked about, or wants to be reminded of, she won't like what you have to say and will deny it, saying that if what we were saying was true, there is no way she would forget something like that. Those moments can be really tough and absolutely heartbreaking.

All that said, there are moments in time when she is sharp as a tack, sometimes it's just for part of a conversation before she forgets details again but it's always nice to see.  

What I really love seeing is her sense of humour when it comes out to play. Mum has had a long term friend who is a little younger than she is and she told me a couple of funny stories involving her friend.  

Mum turned 83 yesterday on Mother's Day and early last week, her friend called earlier last week to ask whether there was anything special Mum would like for her birthday.  Mum said, yes there is actually... do you have a pen and paper handy?  I have a list.

Her friend laughed and said no, she didn't have a pen, so perhaps was there anything she needed instead.  Mum answered, well yes.. seeing as you don't have a pen, I need M O N E Y (and spelt it out) so I can get the things on the list.  Her friend replied, did you say F U N N Y? And they both had bit of a laugh before the call ended.

Late in the week Mum received a small package with a beautiful birthday card and a little gift.  When she opened the gift, it was 3 purse size packets of tissues that all had a money print on them.  One pack was of $100 bills, the others $50 dollar bills and $20 dollar bills - all printed on the tissues.   I think it was her favourite gift!

It also made her recall another prank involving a gift with this same friend some time ago.  Mum's friend had given Mum an awful hand towel for her birthday.  Later in the year, Mum packaged it up and sent it back to her friend for her friend's birthday.  Then unknown to Mum, her friend later gave it to a mutual friend as a birthday gift.  A few months on and they were having morning tea at Mum's sister's place, for her sister's birthday.  The other mutual friend gave Mum's sister a birthday gift and it was none other than the awful towel.  Apparently Mum and her friend absolutely cracked up.  

So I love hearing those funny stories and I love that Mum can still recall some of them.  It makes up for the heartbreaking moments when she is struggling to tell you something because she loses her train of thought mid sentence or struggles to remember who or what she is talking about.  

The other thing I've noticed, is she tries to cover it up and will make up stories or details that never happened if she can't recall the details.  Some of the things she has said are quite delusional, others not so bad but clearly untrue at times.  So I guess it's all about hanging on for the ride really.  

Well that's it for me for now.  I may write more tomorrow about the rest of the trip.  Hmm now what shall I put up for today's pic.  Probably another pic of NZ seeing as it's mostly those ones on this little laptop.  Cherry blossoms in Wanaka.