I thought I'd talk about procrastination today.  Is this something you are familiar with? Is it something you find yourself doing? I have to admit to being a world class procrastinator.  I could have written the book on procrastination, but if I'd had the chance, I'd have probably procrastinated for too long to do so.

Mind you, I don't procrastinate with all things, but definitely some things. And the really frustrating thing is that often the things I am procrastinating about, are the things I really want to do or achieve, things that are sometimes very important to me.  

And yet, I procrastinate.  Sometimes for no good reason and other times there are valid reasons for me not getting moving with whatever it is I have in mind, but those valid reasons can also be mixed with a pinch of procrastination as well.

I have a few things that I've been procrastinating on and they are driving me nuts.  I know I'm my own worst enemy with this, but I'm reminded of a friend saying (actually she wrote a book about it), nothing changes if nothing changes.

For some of the things I'm procrastinating on, this saying fits perfectly!! Actually, it could probably fit anything to do with procrastinating when you stop and think about it.

Ok.. so the things I've been procrastinating on?  The biggies.  Changing my lifestyle in order to become healthier.  I've talked about it, I've started it, I've stopped doing what I was doing, I've started again, but I've not been consistent.  

Some of this has been due in part to other factors, such as being ill (I've had a couple of nuisance value things that have made me feel very unwell at times and have had fatigue go hand in hand with it), working long hours, and some old trauma coming back to re-visit.

However, realistically, I still could have worked around these things in some shape or form.  Particularly when it comes to moving.  As in exercise.  I know I'm doing baby steps and at times I make a really concerted effort, but I need to be more consistent.

I know walking always makes me feel good and while I am doing some, I'm not setting a consistent or habitual time frame so it's a bit hit and miss.  That said, I'm aiming to do at least a 10-15 minute walk a few times a week and I'm generally achieving that.  But if 10-15 mins is all I'm going to do, then I'd rather be doing that on a daily basis.

I know this also helps immensely when dealing with trauma.  Yet on a day when I'm struggling with that, which tends to be more when I actually stop and then find my thoughts drifting, I find I'm hermiting whereas it would be helpful not only from a health perspective, but also for my peace of mind for me to walk.  I know this from past experience, but sometimes I can't seem to get out of my own way to do it.

The other biggie is my retreat stuff.  Part of this is because I'm often so dang tired when I get home from work, that concentrating for long periods of time is the last thing I want to do.

Yet I could work around this by setting small tasks a couple of nights a week, or put an hour or two aside over the weekend.  Break it down into manageable chunks.  Basically, I'm really needing to get my message out there in a much bigger way very soon!!

And I'm not even going to start on the de-cluttering projects I want to do around here or the painting I'm wanting to do on canvas.  Both things I find therapeutic, yet procrastination comes up once again.

That said, there are things I am doing and I guess they have helped ease the trauma related stuff.  I've been doing a little gardening on the weekends.  I probably spend maybe half to an hour each weekend and have done a little tidying up, planted some seedlings and some potted plants.  

I did a belly cast last weekend even though it was the last thing I felt like doing.  The flip side of that is, I always enjoy it once I start and it's not like it takes a terrible long time.  

I have written a couple of letters which is also something I enjoy doing, so that's been good.  I've also done a little cooking which is also a standby when I'm wanting to switch off.

And although I've said I procrastinate about moving regularly, I have started parking my car a block further down the hill for work, so I'm getting a walking there and there are days when I'm walking at lunch time.  Just a short walk but it's a walk I wasn't doing previously.  My team had a meeting at a coffee shop a little further away and I walked the long way back.

A couple of evenings when I've felt somewhat stressed at the end of the day, I've gone out to the waterfront and walked along the jetty.  Again, not a long walk but a walk just the same.

I need to be more consistent about it all though.  Both the walking and taking more notice of what I put in my mouth.  Rather than just grabbing whatever because I'm too tired to be bothered to cook something when I get home from work at night.  

But in among all of this, I have actually got up and done something I have wanted to do for a long time.  Admittedly it was on impulse but it meant that it happened and I've made a good start.  

I've been wanting to take Italian classes for a few years now and a couple of times have just missed out on a class, yet haven't put my name down for the next one.  

Just over a week ago, I found an email in my inbox saying there were vacancies available in the next round of classes that were starting in 5 days time and would run over 8 weeks.  So just like that, I booked in and paid for it.  Then gulped because it wasn't exactly affordable just then and there, but it was too late, I'd already booked and paid. So last Wednesday night I had my first class and loved it.

Anyways, I fully recognise that I need to become a little more consistent about things and perhaps that means I need to plan a little more.  My weight is still yo-yo-ing and is currently up again.  

I feel very uncomfortable and know that I need to do something about it sooner rather than later.  And please don't think I'm a slim girl whinging.  I'm a long way from slim, not even in the same ball park as slim and to get to slim, will take a lot of hard work, effort and time.  It will not be a thing that happens over a few weeks.  It's also something that I cannot afford to procrastinate over, as it is affecting my health.  

And I guess that's what gives me the irrits the most over this whole procrastination thing.  The fact that it happens with the things that matter the most to me.  That's probably a whole other topic itself to get underneath the how's and why's of it.  

So for now I finish with acknowledging the good things, the walking that I am doing, the fact I've finally enrolled into Italian classes, and the time I'm spending in my garden.  

I use a checklist on the weekends and I'm generally reasonably good at doing the majority of things I put on it.  So I've added an extra one to plan my goals for this week and to make them achievable goals.  I'll check in again around this next week.

Tonight's pic is another taken in NZ.