D-day! And a new year.

Dear Reader

Well it sure has been some time since I last blogged.  Sunday, 26th September 2010 to be precise!  More than 3 yrs.  So why am I starting back now?  Sit back and I'll explain.

Accountability!

Yep, that's right, accountability to myself is my biggest reason.  Don't get me wrong, I have lots of good stuff happening in my life, however, there are things I need to work on.  In a big way.  So this is about making that concerted effort to do so.  If no one reads my posts, then that's ok too but I will know it's here.

So the dirt.  The dirt is I turned 50 yrs young in September and I weigh 103.5 kgs as of this morning fresh out of the shower.  My weight fluctuates regularly within a couple of kgs.  Usually up and back anywhere between 103 and 105 kgs.  I also have hypertension.  I was diagnosed around 7 yrs ago and when it was discovered, my reading was around 175 over 90.  I rarely visited the doctor as I'm generally pretty healthy, so it was purely by chance that was picked up.  I experience severe anxiety when it comes to anything medical, including visiting a Dr so I was given some time to see if I could adjust and get it back under control.  Approximately three months later my reading was up to 198 over 99 and I was officially out of time for doing it on my own.  My blood pressure was now dangerously unstable.

Fast forward to now.  I've tried a variety of medications over the times and still experience high blood pressure.  At present, my doctor has been trying some changes of medications but my body is reacting to them in an adverse fashion.  I'm at the point where enough is enough.  I need to take some responsibility for my lifestyle and to take a serious approach to being healthier.

I work in a job that I absolutely love, working with vulnerable people.  The program within which I work is highly politicised, has an intense media focus, is constantly changing and can be intensely challenging.  It is also rewarding, inspiring, humbling and I have the privilege of working with some amazing people. I am always talking with my team about the importance of self care,  I encourage them to be active in their self care and offer support to the same end.  

For the last 10-12 yrs, one of my long held dreams has been of running women's retreats basically focused around various aspects of self care and creativity.  Late last year, I started acting on those dreams and things started to progress at an unbelievable pace.  I now have my first retreat booked for April 2014 with 7 confirmed attendees.  I'm aiming to host another in New Zealand in Oct/Nov 2014 and will be going over to finalise some details in March.

The question then begs, how can I authentically run retreats and support my team in my work place, if I am not walking my talk?

So sitting here today, writing this blog is about putting steps in place so I can walk my talk.  It's about making a considered and conscientious effort with my own self care and becoming as well as I want to be. My plan is to take the baby steps needed to bit by bit change my lifestyle, improve my eating habits, lower my stress levels, relax more, exercise regularly, follow my creativity and enjoy life more.

This is not a sudden decision.  It has been brewing for a little while but especially over the last few weeks while I have been experiencing some more adverse reactions to hypertension medication and I have realised I need to be more pro-active about this.  Not just leave the responsibility with my doctor and medication.  That I need to be doing my part too.

Writing this blog has been the sudden decision.  A bright idea I had while in the shower this morning.  A way to keep myself accountable and to use as a tracking tool.  Potentially in a public kind of way.  Eventually, if other people read it, then perhaps it may provide encouragement for others too.  

One of my favourite quotes is ... All that we are is a result of all we have thought.

Hmm, I'm unsure who is responsible for the quote and while I love it, clearly I have not been taking the meaning seriously and applying it to my own life.  I know I sometimes have negative thoughts.  I know I sometimes worry excessively, think what if, then realise things are going in that direction.  Yet I also know, because I've done it and proven it to myself, that by thinking positively, focusing and visualising on how I want things to be, and actively pursuing them, that things will also follow the direction of my thoughts.  

The power of the mind is truly an amazing thing and I don't think I've been taking that on board enough.  I'm too quick to be harsh on myself, too quick to judge myself negatively rather than being realistic and proactive to make change where change is needed.  Yes, I've done bits and pieces of the good stuff here and there, but I've not continued.  I tend to just troubleshoot so to speak and not maintain.

So what have been my first steps to date?  They are little ones that I will keep adding to.  From a health perspective, I recently starting drinking a little pomegranate juice each day.  Well I did that for maybe two weeks then have had a little break.  I have to say pomegranate juice is an acquired taste!  It is very sweet and I need to water it down.  I don't have a particularly sweet tooth and am more drawn to savoury things.  

However, that said, pomegranate juice is back on the menu.  I have also started having a table spoon of organic apple cider vinegar in lukewarm water. Another acquired taste!  Both are said to be good for general health, but also for hypertension and heart health.  

I am planning to do yoga nidra again regularly as I used to do some years ago.  I have started that this morning and the absolute bare minimum I'm aiming for is once a week, but I would like to be doing it much more frequently.  

I'm aiming to eat at least one piece of fruit a day and to make sure I have a decent serve of veggies and/or salad at least once a day.  I'm also aiming to cut back on gluten and dairy, as neither of those make me feel good afterwards.  I don't want to do these things suddenly as I know for me, it would be too much too soon and I would be setting myself up to fail.  So for me it's about gradually putting these things in place and doing them regularly so they become habit.  And also just being more aware of what I eat or drink.

Writing this blog is a part of my accountability.  I've also made a much bigger effort at completing my 2014 Create your amazing year workbook.  That also has points for accountability, along with a calendar and planning tool to keep you on track.

I mentioned in passing to my doctor at last visit about the anxiety I feel attending any doctors visits.  He has me a whole bunch of questions and is going to refer me to someone who can help me work with that anxiety.  My anxiety is around very specific triggers rather than general ongoing daily type anxiety, such as absolutely anything medical (which includes dental stuff), I have a massive needle phobia, and flying. They are the big huge ones for me. And because they affect my life and stop me from doing things, like long haul trips to countries I'd dearly love to see, then my doctor believes its something worth addressing.  So I'm going to take his referral when I next see him and do something about it.

Get more sleep.  I'm bit of a night owl and I wake early whether I want to or not, so it's about going to bed a little earlier at least a few nights a week. Listening to my body more, rather than pushing it beyond it's limits.

Well I think that's about it for my first blog.  It's bit of an epic one I have to say.  It could probably use chapters!  Of course there is plenty more I could waffle on about, but I will save that for other posts.  For today, it was more about laying the background and the plan.  Setting my intentions I guess is the best way to put it.  

If you've been reading and made it this far, thank you!  I'm also going to include a pic taken of me two days ago.  A very fatigued me when my body was just wanting to sleep all day.